Weeds and The Garden of Life

7/15/12: Loved what Rev James Hunt said in church this morning in reference to kingdom. The gardens in our kingdom may have weeds but God gives us the soil and other resources to rid them of weeds. Praying you have the will and strength to get rid of the weeds in your gardens of life.

Time and time again we get to witness the impact, power and influence of those with whom a person chooses to surround him/herself. We all have a tendency to surround ourselves with certain people because we are attracted to what they add to our lives. It's always best to be realistic about what others bring into our lives because we will adopt their ways of thinking and doing. It's very telling of the kind of person we are by those we choose to have around us.

8/30/12: When you associate with persons who have great character you will learn to have character that will hold strong and others will see it. When you associate with those who are able to overcome adversity you will learn what it takes to survive and move on. When you asso

ciate with persons who have made bad decision but made changes to be better persons you will find out how to learn from your own mistakes. When you associate with those who are self made you learn what it takes to become successful. When you associate with God fearing people you learn to become rich in spirit. When you associate with people who are honest and fair you will learn about integrity and kindness. When you associate with happy, loving and forgiving people you will learn what it takes to be happy and compassionate.

All of these qualities are good to seek in the character of leaders and friends. No one is perfect (especially me!) and to expect otherwise always leads to disappointment. On the other hand what people do to deal with imperfections, with missed opportunities and with loss will tell you so much about how a person will deal with you when things go wrong. Discernment is a gift and a skill and may you receive it graciously and hone it regularly. ~Jane Steel Hahn

I'm Proud for Success and Achievement of Others

7/11/12: WARNING!! Lengthy Jane rant ahead. 

Just so you know I am very libertarian but I have conservative leanings. I don't like big government so my posts tend to lean that way just like many friends that I love (and might disagree with) will publicly post the opposite because they believe the opposite. 

I get it! Politics can stir up the strongest emotions because it hits at the very core of what a person believes. I personally believe we all want much of the same thing even when we are on opposite sides.

I believe our country is exceptional and owes no one any apologies for its successful individuals. I believe people are good and want to be successful and INDEPENDENT. I believe personal and professional achievement should be rewarded not belittled and punished. I believe we all want our freedom. I believe MOST of us want to honor our veterans and soldiers for the sacrifices they and their families have made for our country and will continue to make. I believe MOST of us want our country and our way of life to survive.

People who know me know I am incredibly laid back and easy going. When I see (or believe I see) someone who has the power and the will to threaten all that I hold dear and believe in I am going to speak up. I will not stand by quietly when I think my children's and future generations of children will be saddled with the burden of debt they didn't incur. Honestly I can't understand why any parent would be okay with it. I can't stay quiet when I see a government collection agency (IRS) be expanded to ensure that a law (that wasn't read before it was passed) is adhered to. I also don't understand parents who are good with that for their children's future.

If being financially successful is something to be ashamed of then why do so many parents encourage their kids to go to college? We encourage our kids to make good grades, show leadership and be good citizens so they can grow up and be financially independent and lead loving and successful lives. If you are a person who wants your children to be dependent on others and the government for a paycheck and to meet their everyday needs then you have incredibly low standards in my opinion. Being envious and jealous of those who seem to have it all is one thing...but to hold those who have done well (or inherited wealth somehow) in contempt is shameful, stupid and a waste of time and emotion.

Going with the flow isn't always smart or wise. Celebrity doesn't automatically make for good leadership or "good" human beings. Being a professional anything (actor, singer, athlete etc.) doesn't automatically make a person a roll model. Being a "perfect" person or having a pristine past doesn't always make the best spiritual or political leader. "Eye candy" doesn't always make the best girl or boy friend. The gift of discernment was given to all mankind. More people should take the time to step back, think and use it. ~Jane Hahn

Relationship Advice From Momma Hahn

8/29/12: It's often said that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow and for that matter none of us are guaranteed the next moment. I am attending a memorial service tomorrow and when things like this occur I am always reminded that it's best to have relationships in good places in every moment as much as possible. 

I wish all persons the sort of life that when it's our turn to pass on, even through sadness, those who know us can find some sort of peace. I must add that it is a privilege and gift to know that all was right between you and the person who is gone. If you have repairs to make I hope all pride can be put aside and your relationships can be brought to a place that heals your hearts. ~Jane Steel Hahn

9/16/12: Every single decision you make can have an affect on another person, place or thing and this is why you are either part of a problem or part of the solution in every single thing you do. ~Jane Steel Hahn 
I hope you make it a good day not only for you but for others too.

8/3/12: Man! I really don't like meanness or mean people! I get teasing but some people don't know when to turn it off and it's hard for me to deal with. If I discover that someone is just plain mean-spirited I don't allow them to be in my life because that stuff can rub off on another person and it becomes contagious. ~Jane Steel Hahn

8/8/12: The things we think we have no time for are simply those things we don't make priorities. The people we think we have no time for are simply those people we don't make priorities. ~Jane Steel Hahn

8/20/12: As Don and I got ready for our day we exchanged compliments this morning. I enjoy and appreciate Don for so many things. No matter how bad I think I look he still takes the time to express appreciation for me and for my appearance. Of course I had to ask whether or not he had lowered his expectations, his standards or just couldn't see as well. After a good long laugh we decided that's just what happens when you WANT to love someone for a long time.

I wish for many individuals and couples the opportunity to make the choice to appreciate yourself or another person for who you or they are and for what you or they become regardless of what the years of wear and tear do to the heart and appearance. Love and hugs. ~Jane Steel Hahn

7/3/12: There is a world of difference between the IDEA of being in love with someone and actually LOVING that person. If you are waiting and longing for the one you think you love to treat you differently or to behave or react differently toward you then you are actually longing for someone your loved one is never going to be. If you have to offer "ultimatums" to someone to have your needs met you are wi

th the wrong person. Anyone can BRIEFLY put on an act but the one you want to be different is always there and will show up when the act is over. If you give yourself the chance you can find the one who meets your needs but you have to be strong enough to rid yourself of bad or mediocre relationships first.--Jane Steel Hahn

7/5/12: Something to remember about your relationships is that the impression your parents and closest friends have of your significant others (SOs) is based on what you tell them. If you're a complainer or into drama - no one is going to like your SOs - and in the long run, neither will you. It's always best to leave all embellishment, over reaction and exaggeration out of any narrative when sharing your relationship info. It's as important to pick what you share as it is to pick your battles.~Jane Steel Hahn

7/5/12: Momma Hahn's Newlywed Advice: 1) Never embarrass or even jokingly humiliate your spouse in public. You can have fun but not at the expense of your spouse. It will help you later in your marriage. 2) Keep your fights between you and your new spouse. In other words don't take your fights to your parents or friends. You are now a new team. You have to learn to work things out with each other without outside interference if you want a successful and happy marriage. Wishing God's blessings on marriage.~Jane Steel Hahn

7/23/12: Momma Hahn's Relationship advice:

Some of the best parts of a relationship are found in those special moments when you start out thinking you are going to please, impress or amaze the other person but end up laughing uncontrollably. The deepest romance begins with mutual respect, admiration and the ability to make the other person smile or laugh. ~Jane Steel Hahn

7/23/12: Momma Hahn's Relationship Advice:

All dating and marital relationships go through changes if given time. My thinking is there is a correlation between intensity and unhappiness. As pressures (and responsibilities) build the intensity builds. If there are no releases on relationship pressures something is going to blow up and it can result in resentment, hard feelings and building up walls that inhibit communication and hide reality.

Momma Hahn's suggestions for pressure release are:
1. Offer at least one praise or expression of appreciation every single day. Caution: If you can't find something worthy of praise on a daily basis one of you isn't living right, you have your eyes closed or you need to check your eyes for those logs that prevent you from recognizing it. If you are dating and can't find something daily then you are with the wrong person and you need to do both of you a favor and end it so you both can find someone with appreciation.
2. Find something to laugh about daily whether it's at yourself or WITH the other person. Caution: laughing at the other is okay as long as it's in jest, with their permission and there is absolutely positively no malice involved.
3. Listen without offering advice to solve a problem or making judgment unless solicited. Caution: There are those moments when all a person needs is to vent. Once the vent is opened and allowed to breathe it can close with little effort unless you inadvertently throw in words that keep that vent open. The longer you clog that vent the longer you're going to hear about an issue.
4. Help when help is needed don't wait to be asked. Offer help if you think it may be needed. Caution: if it's obvious there's a need and you have an attitude of the other person is quite capable of handling it and don't make an offer it can be interpreted as lack of caring. If you are thinking you're too tired to help with something believe me the other person is just as tired. Better to offer and be turned down than be resented because someone thought you didn't care at all or were just too darn lazy. ~Jane Steel Hahn

7/29/12: Relationship advice from Momma Hahn.

It's one thing to know you are with a person who totally accepts you for who and what kind of person you are. It's another thing to treat that person as if he/she is just "one of the guys" or "one of the girls" all the time. The minute you stop thinking of and treating your special person as someone who deserves more than average respect, privileged privacy, protection and devotion the romance and relationship will suffer to some degree.

It's great to be able to be yourself with the one you love. It's even better to do what you can to treat your loved one like you would treat someone on a first date for as long as your relationship lasts.

If you wouldn't do certain things on a first date then don't make it a habit of doing those things as the relationship evolves. If you wouldn't say certain things on a first date then don't start a habit of saying those things as you get closer emotionally. Slip ups are acceptable but thinking manners and chivalry become less important as the person you love becomes more important is a mistake. Chivalry isn't dead unless you kill it. It applies to women as well as men. ~Jane Steel Hahn

6/6/12: It's a false premise that it's better to be with someone who makes us miserable than it is to be alone. It's easy to allow our hearts to shield us from the truth in our relationships. We invite pain and misery and end up in trouble when we let our heart take over our brain and then let another person determine our value.--Jane Steel Hahn

6/18/12: No matter how long a couple is together or married it's always nice to HEAR and SAY words of appreciation and love. I encourage others to continually look for something to appreciate in the one you love. When your heart is filled with gratitude it crowds out anger and resentment and always enhances your relationships. The same applies to those who are single. Love always starts from within.--Jane Steel Hahn

5/7/12: No relationship is perfect. Relationships aren't meant to be perfect. We are supposed to grow and learn from ALL of our relationships, not just dating or marriage but from friendships and family relationships too. If you have relationships that need healing please do what you can to start that process because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Love and hugs, Jane Hahn

5/11/12: Finding yourself "in love" can just happen. Being "in love" is a matter of choice. Maintaining a relationship and staying "in love" throughout that relationship is a commitment and a conscious decision that requires action by BOTH people.--Jane Steel Hahn

4/21/12: If you are in a relationship that is emotionally, physically or verbally abusive and you choose to stay in it telling others that this is where God wants you to be you are lying to yourself and to others and you are giving God a bad reputation.--Jane Hahn

4/22/12: Dating is supposed to be a way to try others on for compatibility. A FIRST date is NOT supposed to mean commitment. Each date after that is supposed to provide the opportunity to get to know each other until you find out whether or not you're truly compatible. Those who fall too fast should be handled with care by the other person. Those who choose to date "commitment-phobes" should keep him/herself aware of the risk of heartbreak. ~Jane Hahn

4/22/12: If you have loved and "lost" a relationship be thoughtful about to the type of person you are drawn to. Be careful not to choose the same type of person in your next relationship to improve your odds of having a better one the next time around. ~Jane Hahn.

4/29/12: If you are working your hardest on a relationship to be with someone who perpetually breaks your heart be very careful because you may just miss out on the one with whom your soul is supposed to sing. ~Jane Hahn

I Wish You a Forgiving Heart

Is forgiveness a state of mind? I think back to when Brian died. My first thought was to forgive the others involved. I don't know why but in a way I wonder if it was because there was no room in my heart for hatred or anger because it was way too full of the worst pain, shock and devastation a mom could ever experience. Now that time has passed there are times I let the anger and bad feelings creep into my thoughts and heart. Thankfully they are short lived and it takes some prayer, reflection and distraction to get rid of it and move on. I don't ever want to be a slave to anger or resentment because I know that once those bonds take hold they make a person bitter and unable to see and think clearly and objectively. Forgiveness is the only thing that can set you free of those who have hurt you and your heart. I wish each of you a forgiving heart. Love and hugs, Jane

I'm Back!

It's Been WAY TOO LONG! I've been going through many changes since I last signed on which was in 2010 I believe. I sort of hit a writer's block and then I forgot my password and since then I've been misusing my facebook as a blog from time to time. I think I'll start over. I am going to copy some of my blog-like posts from FB and get them on here. I must warn you that some of my thinking has turned political - tis the season - but it's who I am, who I've become. I don't mean to offend but I do mean to make people think. I hope that no matter what I post in the future that you will always think for yourselves and form your own opinions based on what you know to be true and not necessarily on anything I opine on. I also hope you will stay with me as I continue to navigate this thing called life. Love and hugs to you this wonderful morning.

Share the Faith!

This final retreat lesson was written with a few people in mind. One of my kids was wanting to share his faith with a particular friend but was afraid his friend would think he was a freak. A close friend of mine was wanting to share her faith with her family and this was a new and frightening idea because she wasn't raised in a "regular, church-going" family. Another friend had just gotten a new job with a government agency and he was rediscovering his faith and talked about his concern over whether or not he was allowed to share anything. I find it interesting how desire or the need to share our faith with others can stir up the strongest feelings of dread and fear.

I think we put so much pressure on ourselves when we consider sharing our faith with others. We think we have to have all this "expert Bible knowledge" or something. We are sometimes afraid of the questions our friends and loved ones might ask and we are worried we will look stupid if we don't know the answer or where to find something in the Bible. We are afraid of looking like a "Jesus freak" or coming off like a judgmental religious zealot. It makes me laugh when I look back at my high school days and the way we thought our faith was to be shared. Sometimes we were loving and other times I think we may have put some people off with our righteous attitudes but I have no doubt that we planted seeds of faith in a few people.

The more I think about it the more I realize that all that self-imposed pressure is so unnecessary. I believe we all have moments we share our faith without even thinking about it. The way we live our lives and the decisions we make are sometimes the most obvious way we witness. Our day to day attitudes and how we deal with problems are other ways we witness. A prayer before meals is another way we show our spiritual gratitude. Honestly, when you think about it, some days we are GOOD and powerful witnesses for the Lord and other days, we are probably not the best people in the world to use as examples of Christian living. That's the way "free will" works. I just want you to realize that sharing your faith doesn't have to be difficult so don't make it difficult. Sharing your faith doesn't have to take hours. You can share your faith in brief moments. Be kind, be loving, give a hug now and then and open up conversations so that others can feel free to ask you questions. God will give you the words to say when you need to say them if you keep an open heart for His advice.

SHARE THE FAITH, SISTER!

Who was the FIRST person to discuss his/her faith with you? Do you even remember? Think about when you first heard about our Lord, Jesus Christ; not when you were SAVED but when the seed of faith was PLANTED.

If you were raised in a Christian household, it may have been your family who brought it up to you. It may be difficult to recall ever not being a Christian. You may have been brought up in a family that attended church but faith discussions didn't happen very often. Either way, the sharing of faith within the family took place at some point in time. How much effort do you think went into that type of sharing? How much effort do you put into that type of sharing within your own family or circle of friends now? Do you even think about it? Do you even worry about how it's done?

If you weren't introduced to the Christian faith at home but heard about it from friends, co-workers or acquaintances, do you recall how it was brought up? Chances are the VERY FIRST TIME you heard about Christianity, you weren't saved at that very moment. Were you offended by the person who brought it up? Did it make you dislike that person or group? What type of effort do you think went into that moment of sharing his/her/their faith? Do you think that witness took a great risk in sharing with you? Did you already know that witness was a Christian? What do you think people think of you? Do you think others would guess you were a Christian if they didn't already know it? Just a thought.

Too often we make ourselves feel uncomfortable about sharing our faith. Perhaps it's because we are afraid of offending someone. It could be that you don't consider yourself to be "expert" enough to tell someone what you believe and why you believe it. Maybe we hesitate to share because we think the "timing just isn't right, yet." Answer the following questions:
Have you ever told anyone when you were going on a retreat? Have you ever mentioned to anyone that you go to church? Have you ever asked anyone what church he/she attends? Have you told anyone who doesn't attend your church about anything happening at your church or Sunday School class? Have you ever told anyone a funny story about someone in your church? Have you ever invited anyone to your church or to a church sponsored event? Have you ever prayed over your meal with others you aren't sure are Christian?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, guess what? You've opened the door to sharing your faith. Talking about being a Christian doesn't require drama. Sharing your faith doesn't require that you give a speech, confess your sins or share your personal testimony. You don't have to be able to quote the Bible or pull random verses out of the Bible like a pastor can do. All it takes is the ability to have a conversation. Most women share their opinions with other women. We talk about clothes, movies, sale prices on groceries and whether or not we like a certain restaurant. Guess what! You can share your opinion about your church and the events that happen there, too. Maybe someone made a great dish at the last gathering and you'd love to have the recipe. Tell someone! Believe it or not, that is a great way to open the door to many conversations that lead to the sharing of your faith.

Think about the conversations you've had over the past week. How often have you had the opportunity to talk about your faith? Whether you took the opportunity or not, consider arming yourself with the ability to talk about our Lord, Jesus Christ, at least once every day. Share with your family first. Once you are used to bringing up Jesus every day with them, you'll be amazed at how natural it will be to bring up Jesus with others outside your family. You wouldn't be here this weekend if others hadn't shared their faith with you. (remember this was written for a weekend retreat)

Take a few minutes now to think of ways to open a conversation that would allow you to feel comfortable about bringing up your church, your faith, your experience this weekend and prayer concerns. Please consider that there is someone out there that only YOU can reach. May you be a blessing upon someone in need of God's word!

Please pray for wisdom, strength and for the ability to share God's word knowing "...that the word of the Lord may spread rapidly and be glorified, just as it did also with you." - Thessalonians 3:1.

Retreat Lesson 6 - Pick Your Battles Wisely

This lesson was written after I had eaten lunch with several of my friends. We had a challenging day as volunteers and it was time to air out our frustrations. I was surprised that the frustrations aired were more about what our kids, spouses and pets were or weren't doing. It struck me as funny the way we discussed the differences between boys and girls and compared the best ways to approach situations with our loved ones. There was one prevailing theme throughout our visit and that was how our moods affected the way dealt with situations. It occurred to me that we all thought we had the answers and we all knew we were RIGHT in whatever disagreement we had with our spouses. Not once did we ever complain about the way WE behaved or reacted to our loved ones. I'm here to tell you that a few of us probably needed to look into the mirror at OURSELVES.

PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY

It's believed that women are hard to figure out. We are considered a moody bunch and our moods have been known to strike fear in the hearts of even the strongest of men. Guess what! Men can be moody too. Moods are part of the human psyche and they can have a major impact on how we think, behave, interact and react to others.

Think about the past year. You probably experienced ups and downs, challenges and achievements, good times and bad times, events you'd like to remember and some you'd like to forget. All the things you go through make you who you are. Good or bad, like it or not, you are the product of life events that you AND God created.

You are a unique individual and God made you that way on purpose. You have unique looks, tastes, likes and dislikes, habits, personality traits and God given gifts and talents. You may have problems, faults and miserable experiences but so do other people. If you are totally honest with yourself those problems, faults and miserable experiences are often due to your own choices, judgment, mistakes and mishaps. It's easy to want to blame God for every wrong doing and evil in the world; however, if you recall, our Heavenly Father gave mankind FREE WILL. Bad things happen because God allows man to make mistakes. The evil and sinful nature of man comes about from those who choose NOT to walk in the path of the Lord.

When we CHOOSE to be hateful, hurtful, deceitful, immoral, mean-spirited, dishonest or anything else God wouldn't condone we often get caught or hurt others and have to pay the price. "The righteousness of the perfect shall direct his way, but the wicked shall fall by his own wickedness." - Proberbs 11:5. Sometimes it's the innocent who pay the price for evil but there are often lessons to be learned and incredible growth that can occur when that happens. Can YOU do anything to conquer evil, anger and temptations of this world? The answer is YES! You can pray for strength, endurance, wisdom, vision and the will to conquer. You can seek the advice of those who seem to be stronger than you. Once you hear from God or your counsel ACT on what you know to be the right thing to do. When you are doing the right thing you know it.

We all know people who, at times, appear to be living outside of God's will. How do you approach them? First and foremost PRAY for them then pray for wisdom in handling the person or situation!! This is where attitude, humor and the gift of discernment come into play. You must evaluate all situations and determine whether or not a particular event or person is worth the fight. Then figure out what you are truly concerned about. Hone in on the issue and avoid personal attacks. Remember that YOU cannot change someone on the inside but GOD can. If you try to change the nature of another person or loved one, give that up now. However, if you are trying to change behavior patterns, bad habits or the place that your love relationship is in, you can do that with patience, sensitivity, love, understanding of God's word and your own personal change.

If you want something to change the best place to start that process is within you. That's not an easy thing to accept or do. You need to consider that if you expect others to change their ways and you aren't open to change yourself then this will come across to your loved ones. Your loved ones look to you as the example and will believe what is good for you is good for them. If you can't or won't change, neither will anyone else.

Look at the things that upset you. Determine whether or not those things are truly evil or just things that get on your nerves. Remember that ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! If things are happening that are simply annoying then it may be that you need to change your attitude or find a sense of humor to deal with it. When you show a change in attitude or show a new sense of humor it will be noticed eventually. When you show you are trying to make an effort to make things better then the other person may be more willing to make things better too. This is not an easy process and it doesn't always work to get what you want. Be sure that what you want is not only good for you but good the other person or people involved as well.

Are you a complainer? Do you have a tendency to focus on the negative? Do you wake up some days just looking for a fight? Are those around you always complaining, bickering or looking for fights? If this is the pattern of communicating, thinking and behavior you notice around you then it's time to make some changes. Look at yourself and consider how easy are you to live with. How easy are you to listen to? If you are quick to find fault with your loved ones and quick to point out faults in others then chances are others around you are likely to be the same way and chances are they turning the tables back on you. When you stop complaining and pointing out the faults in others around you it will be noticed. I challenge you to take it one step farther and start noticing the good things in others and start complimenting others when you see the good in them. You will find that it really has an incredibly positive effect on people. It will also have a positive effect on you because you will have a lot less to be sour and angry about.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:31-32.

Please take time now to reflect on how YOU would live with YOU. What changes do you need to make in your life to be an example for others and to bring about change? Pray now for those things heavy on your heart that need to change.