This final retreat lesson was written with a few people in mind. One of my kids was wanting to share his faith with a particular friend but was afraid his friend would think he was a freak. A close friend of mine was wanting to share her faith with her family and this was a new and frightening idea because she wasn't raised in a "regular, church-going" family. Another friend had just gotten a new job with a government agency and he was rediscovering his faith and talked about his concern over whether or not he was allowed to share anything. I find it interesting how desire or the need to share our faith with others can stir up the strongest feelings of dread and fear.
I think we put so much pressure on ourselves when we consider sharing our faith with others. We think we have to have all this "expert Bible knowledge" or something. We are sometimes afraid of the questions our friends and loved ones might ask and we are worried we will look stupid if we don't know the answer or where to find something in the Bible. We are afraid of looking like a "Jesus freak" or coming off like a judgmental religious zealot. It makes me laugh when I look back at my high school days and the way we thought our faith was to be shared. Sometimes we were loving and other times I think we may have put some people off with our righteous attitudes but I have no doubt that we planted seeds of faith in a few people.
The more I think about it the more I realize that all that self-imposed pressure is so unnecessary. I believe we all have moments we share our faith without even thinking about it. The way we live our lives and the decisions we make are sometimes the most obvious way we witness. Our day to day attitudes and how we deal with problems are other ways we witness. A prayer before meals is another way we show our spiritual gratitude. Honestly, when you think about it, some days we are GOOD and powerful witnesses for the Lord and other days, we are probably not the best people in the world to use as examples of Christian living. That's the way "free will" works. I just want you to realize that sharing your faith doesn't have to be difficult so don't make it difficult. Sharing your faith doesn't have to take hours. You can share your faith in brief moments. Be kind, be loving, give a hug now and then and open up conversations so that others can feel free to ask you questions. God will give you the words to say when you need to say them if you keep an open heart for His advice.
SHARE THE FAITH, SISTER!
Who was the FIRST person to discuss his/her faith with you? Do you even remember? Think about when you first heard about our Lord, Jesus Christ; not when you were SAVED but when the seed of faith was PLANTED.
If you were raised in a Christian household, it may have been your family who brought it up to you. It may be difficult to recall ever not being a Christian. You may have been brought up in a family that attended church but faith discussions didn't happen very often. Either way, the sharing of faith within the family took place at some point in time. How much effort do you think went into that type of sharing? How much effort do you put into that type of sharing within your own family or circle of friends now? Do you even think about it? Do you even worry about how it's done?
If you weren't introduced to the Christian faith at home but heard about it from friends, co-workers or acquaintances, do you recall how it was brought up? Chances are the VERY FIRST TIME you heard about Christianity, you weren't saved at that very moment. Were you offended by the person who brought it up? Did it make you dislike that person or group? What type of effort do you think went into that moment of sharing his/her/their faith? Do you think that witness took a great risk in sharing with you? Did you already know that witness was a Christian? What do you think people think of you? Do you think others would guess you were a Christian if they didn't already know it? Just a thought.
Too often we make ourselves feel uncomfortable about sharing our faith. Perhaps it's because we are afraid of offending someone. It could be that you don't consider yourself to be "expert" enough to tell someone what you believe and why you believe it. Maybe we hesitate to share because we think the "timing just isn't right, yet." Answer the following questions:
Have you ever told anyone when you were going on a retreat? Have you ever mentioned to anyone that you go to church? Have you ever asked anyone what church he/she attends? Have you told anyone who doesn't attend your church about anything happening at your church or Sunday School class? Have you ever told anyone a funny story about someone in your church? Have you ever invited anyone to your church or to a church sponsored event? Have you ever prayed over your meal with others you aren't sure are Christian?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, guess what? You've opened the door to sharing your faith. Talking about being a Christian doesn't require drama. Sharing your faith doesn't require that you give a speech, confess your sins or share your personal testimony. You don't have to be able to quote the Bible or pull random verses out of the Bible like a pastor can do. All it takes is the ability to have a conversation. Most women share their opinions with other women. We talk about clothes, movies, sale prices on groceries and whether or not we like a certain restaurant. Guess what! You can share your opinion about your church and the events that happen there, too. Maybe someone made a great dish at the last gathering and you'd love to have the recipe. Tell someone! Believe it or not, that is a great way to open the door to many conversations that lead to the sharing of your faith.
Think about the conversations you've had over the past week. How often have you had the opportunity to talk about your faith? Whether you took the opportunity or not, consider arming yourself with the ability to talk about our Lord, Jesus Christ, at least once every day. Share with your family first. Once you are used to bringing up Jesus every day with them, you'll be amazed at how natural it will be to bring up Jesus with others outside your family. You wouldn't be here this weekend if others hadn't shared their faith with you. (remember this was written for a weekend retreat)
Take a few minutes now to think of ways to open a conversation that would allow you to feel comfortable about bringing up your church, your faith, your experience this weekend and prayer concerns. Please consider that there is someone out there that only YOU can reach. May you be a blessing upon someone in need of God's word!
Please pray for wisdom, strength and for the ability to share God's word knowing "...that the word of the Lord may spread rapidly and be glorified, just as it did also with you." - Thessalonians 3:1.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Retreat Lesson 6 - Pick Your Battles Wisely
This lesson was written after I had eaten lunch with several of my friends. We had a challenging day as volunteers and it was time to air out our frustrations. I was surprised that the frustrations aired were more about what our kids, spouses and pets were or weren't doing. It struck me as funny the way we discussed the differences between boys and girls and compared the best ways to approach situations with our loved ones. There was one prevailing theme throughout our visit and that was how our moods affected the way dealt with situations. It occurred to me that we all thought we had the answers and we all knew we were RIGHT in whatever disagreement we had with our spouses. Not once did we ever complain about the way WE behaved or reacted to our loved ones. I'm here to tell you that a few of us probably needed to look into the mirror at OURSELVES.
PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY
It's believed that women are hard to figure out. We are considered a moody bunch and our moods have been known to strike fear in the hearts of even the strongest of men. Guess what! Men can be moody too. Moods are part of the human psyche and they can have a major impact on how we think, behave, interact and react to others.
Think about the past year. You probably experienced ups and downs, challenges and achievements, good times and bad times, events you'd like to remember and some you'd like to forget. All the things you go through make you who you are. Good or bad, like it or not, you are the product of life events that you AND God created.
You are a unique individual and God made you that way on purpose. You have unique looks, tastes, likes and dislikes, habits, personality traits and God given gifts and talents. You may have problems, faults and miserable experiences but so do other people. If you are totally honest with yourself those problems, faults and miserable experiences are often due to your own choices, judgment, mistakes and mishaps. It's easy to want to blame God for every wrong doing and evil in the world; however, if you recall, our Heavenly Father gave mankind FREE WILL. Bad things happen because God allows man to make mistakes. The evil and sinful nature of man comes about from those who choose NOT to walk in the path of the Lord.
When we CHOOSE to be hateful, hurtful, deceitful, immoral, mean-spirited, dishonest or anything else God wouldn't condone we often get caught or hurt others and have to pay the price. "The righteousness of the perfect shall direct his way, but the wicked shall fall by his own wickedness." - Proberbs 11:5. Sometimes it's the innocent who pay the price for evil but there are often lessons to be learned and incredible growth that can occur when that happens. Can YOU do anything to conquer evil, anger and temptations of this world? The answer is YES! You can pray for strength, endurance, wisdom, vision and the will to conquer. You can seek the advice of those who seem to be stronger than you. Once you hear from God or your counsel ACT on what you know to be the right thing to do. When you are doing the right thing you know it.
We all know people who, at times, appear to be living outside of God's will. How do you approach them? First and foremost PRAY for them then pray for wisdom in handling the person or situation!! This is where attitude, humor and the gift of discernment come into play. You must evaluate all situations and determine whether or not a particular event or person is worth the fight. Then figure out what you are truly concerned about. Hone in on the issue and avoid personal attacks. Remember that YOU cannot change someone on the inside but GOD can. If you try to change the nature of another person or loved one, give that up now. However, if you are trying to change behavior patterns, bad habits or the place that your love relationship is in, you can do that with patience, sensitivity, love, understanding of God's word and your own personal change.
If you want something to change the best place to start that process is within you. That's not an easy thing to accept or do. You need to consider that if you expect others to change their ways and you aren't open to change yourself then this will come across to your loved ones. Your loved ones look to you as the example and will believe what is good for you is good for them. If you can't or won't change, neither will anyone else.
Look at the things that upset you. Determine whether or not those things are truly evil or just things that get on your nerves. Remember that ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! If things are happening that are simply annoying then it may be that you need to change your attitude or find a sense of humor to deal with it. When you show a change in attitude or show a new sense of humor it will be noticed eventually. When you show you are trying to make an effort to make things better then the other person may be more willing to make things better too. This is not an easy process and it doesn't always work to get what you want. Be sure that what you want is not only good for you but good the other person or people involved as well.
Are you a complainer? Do you have a tendency to focus on the negative? Do you wake up some days just looking for a fight? Are those around you always complaining, bickering or looking for fights? If this is the pattern of communicating, thinking and behavior you notice around you then it's time to make some changes. Look at yourself and consider how easy are you to live with. How easy are you to listen to? If you are quick to find fault with your loved ones and quick to point out faults in others then chances are others around you are likely to be the same way and chances are they turning the tables back on you. When you stop complaining and pointing out the faults in others around you it will be noticed. I challenge you to take it one step farther and start noticing the good things in others and start complimenting others when you see the good in them. You will find that it really has an incredibly positive effect on people. It will also have a positive effect on you because you will have a lot less to be sour and angry about.
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:31-32.
Please take time now to reflect on how YOU would live with YOU. What changes do you need to make in your life to be an example for others and to bring about change? Pray now for those things heavy on your heart that need to change.
PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY
It's believed that women are hard to figure out. We are considered a moody bunch and our moods have been known to strike fear in the hearts of even the strongest of men. Guess what! Men can be moody too. Moods are part of the human psyche and they can have a major impact on how we think, behave, interact and react to others.
Think about the past year. You probably experienced ups and downs, challenges and achievements, good times and bad times, events you'd like to remember and some you'd like to forget. All the things you go through make you who you are. Good or bad, like it or not, you are the product of life events that you AND God created.
You are a unique individual and God made you that way on purpose. You have unique looks, tastes, likes and dislikes, habits, personality traits and God given gifts and talents. You may have problems, faults and miserable experiences but so do other people. If you are totally honest with yourself those problems, faults and miserable experiences are often due to your own choices, judgment, mistakes and mishaps. It's easy to want to blame God for every wrong doing and evil in the world; however, if you recall, our Heavenly Father gave mankind FREE WILL. Bad things happen because God allows man to make mistakes. The evil and sinful nature of man comes about from those who choose NOT to walk in the path of the Lord.
When we CHOOSE to be hateful, hurtful, deceitful, immoral, mean-spirited, dishonest or anything else God wouldn't condone we often get caught or hurt others and have to pay the price. "The righteousness of the perfect shall direct his way, but the wicked shall fall by his own wickedness." - Proberbs 11:5. Sometimes it's the innocent who pay the price for evil but there are often lessons to be learned and incredible growth that can occur when that happens. Can YOU do anything to conquer evil, anger and temptations of this world? The answer is YES! You can pray for strength, endurance, wisdom, vision and the will to conquer. You can seek the advice of those who seem to be stronger than you. Once you hear from God or your counsel ACT on what you know to be the right thing to do. When you are doing the right thing you know it.
We all know people who, at times, appear to be living outside of God's will. How do you approach them? First and foremost PRAY for them then pray for wisdom in handling the person or situation!! This is where attitude, humor and the gift of discernment come into play. You must evaluate all situations and determine whether or not a particular event or person is worth the fight. Then figure out what you are truly concerned about. Hone in on the issue and avoid personal attacks. Remember that YOU cannot change someone on the inside but GOD can. If you try to change the nature of another person or loved one, give that up now. However, if you are trying to change behavior patterns, bad habits or the place that your love relationship is in, you can do that with patience, sensitivity, love, understanding of God's word and your own personal change.
If you want something to change the best place to start that process is within you. That's not an easy thing to accept or do. You need to consider that if you expect others to change their ways and you aren't open to change yourself then this will come across to your loved ones. Your loved ones look to you as the example and will believe what is good for you is good for them. If you can't or won't change, neither will anyone else.
Look at the things that upset you. Determine whether or not those things are truly evil or just things that get on your nerves. Remember that ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! If things are happening that are simply annoying then it may be that you need to change your attitude or find a sense of humor to deal with it. When you show a change in attitude or show a new sense of humor it will be noticed eventually. When you show you are trying to make an effort to make things better then the other person may be more willing to make things better too. This is not an easy process and it doesn't always work to get what you want. Be sure that what you want is not only good for you but good the other person or people involved as well.
Are you a complainer? Do you have a tendency to focus on the negative? Do you wake up some days just looking for a fight? Are those around you always complaining, bickering or looking for fights? If this is the pattern of communicating, thinking and behavior you notice around you then it's time to make some changes. Look at yourself and consider how easy are you to live with. How easy are you to listen to? If you are quick to find fault with your loved ones and quick to point out faults in others then chances are others around you are likely to be the same way and chances are they turning the tables back on you. When you stop complaining and pointing out the faults in others around you it will be noticed. I challenge you to take it one step farther and start noticing the good things in others and start complimenting others when you see the good in them. You will find that it really has an incredibly positive effect on people. It will also have a positive effect on you because you will have a lot less to be sour and angry about.
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:31-32.
Please take time now to reflect on how YOU would live with YOU. What changes do you need to make in your life to be an example for others and to bring about change? Pray now for those things heavy on your heart that need to change.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friendships & What Happened to Brian
There are all kinds of people in this world and why we end up choosing certain ones to be our friends is a mystery. What draws us together as friends, love interests, partners of all kinds is something I wish I knew more about. This week has been a fun one for me. I've been running into people from my past and I've so enjoyed catching up with so many of them. Of course everyone of them have heard about Brian and when they ask, "How are you?" they really mean it. I reassure people that I and my family are doing well, not perfect, but we are healing and doing well.
I must digress here. A question I'd like to ask God one day is, "Why do we run into more people we've not seen in a while when we look our worst?" It never fails that I see more people when I'm sloppily dressed and have no makeup on and am often in a hurry or stopping somewhere just to get one little thing from the store. Twice I've even tried hiding behind center aisle displays and wall units to avoid letting someone see me and somehow I ended up right next to them when I checked out. Am I the only one this happens to? I really doubt it. But I must confess to feeling really BAD when I've done this because I always end up having the best conversation with the person from whom I hid. It's like we never missed a day of seeing each other. I chalk this up to God's sense of humor and the lesson that I should get rid of any pride. I also know in my heart that I could avoid this situation if I would just get my makeup on every morning. I guess I like living on the edge!
I got to thinking about friendships and why they last. I know it has something to do with what we have in common. We enjoy each other's company. We like what we do when we spend time together. I notice that the friends Don and I have are as varied as you can get. Some are quiet, some are loud, some are funny and some always seem to have incredible stories to tell. We enjoy them all and thank God for allowing them to be in our lives.
Brian had some really great friends. There weren't any that I didn't like. There were some that I worried about and some of them still need to be worried about and prayed for. His friends really are fun, good humored and good hearted kids. They aren't the kind of kids who are destructive and into all kinds of meanness just for the sake of being mean. They are reckless at times but never mean-spirited. The issue I had with Brian and his friends was the partying. By that I mean it was the drinking and smoking pot from time to time. Brian got in trouble his senior year of high school. That's a story for another time but, thereafter, I watched him like a hawk. He only got mad at me one time and that was when I made him let me go to a prom after-party, which is also a story for another time.
You hear the phrase, live by the sword, die by the sword. Well Brian lived for a party and died by one too. Brian experimented with a drug he'd never taken before. He and a friend bought the drug from a fraternity brother. He and his friend went to Brian's suite and took the drug. His friend went to a fraternity function to start off homecoming week. I was told that Brian's friend spent about two and a half hours throwing up. I believe getting sick saved his friend's life. Brian stayed home. He was feeling good. He got on Facebook and his last post shared that "life is good today." He had a visitor later that night who was with him till around 2:30 in the morning. He was still alive when his friend left. We believe Brian died around 10:00 a.m. later in the day. He was discovered around 1:20 p.m. in the afternoon by his suite mate. We shared this information about Brian at his funeral. That's for another story as well.
Because of what happened with Brian we are carefully re-evaluating the friends of our sons. We are gun-shy now about so much more. We are more cautious than we have ever been. I've always been pretty direct and open with questions and topics I discuss with all the friends of my sons but now I find myself doing mental assessments of potential dangers when I meet new kids who come to the house. Derek is the one who gets the brunt of this. He's the one still in high school. He's the one who must check in and out and let me know his whereabouts. Thank goodness Derek is kind about my need to protect. The interesting thing is, Brian was really good about this. He would call to let me know what he was doing, who he was with and would alert me to changes in his evening plans. He would even let me know he was coming in late. I usually didn't like him coming home late but I would appreciate his consideration so we wouldn't worry.
It's been difficult for me to understand why anyone in my family would experiment with any drug. Don and I have talked to our kids about the dangers of drugs since they were big enough to walk. We've shared stories of our experiences of taking care of patients who died or had bad experiences with drugs. We've been open and honest and communicative with our kids. We have always been involved in our sons' lives. We've been very active at school, coached, became scout leaders. Sunday School teachers, volunteers in the community and booster club supporters. We ate at the dinner table much more often than many of our sons' friends did. Statistically speaking this should not have happened to one of our kids. I can honestly say that I don't know what else we could have done to keep our son away from pot or anything else.
Brian's death was an accident. We know that now. It was a bad decision. Brian and his friend played Russian Roulette and Brian lost. We are more than thankful that his best friend didn't pass away. He's a good man with a good future. We don't blame him for what's happened. We do think about Brian and his friends and have wondered why it had to be Brian who died. He's got friends who do much more and take many more risks than Brian ever dreamed about and yet they are still among the living. Do we resent this? Absolutely NOT! But it wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that the question has entered our minds more than once. Our hope is that Brian's friends learn from his mistake and stop taking big risks with their lives. Some have but many have not. We get messages of concern about his friends. I'm glad people are still trying to help others learn from our tragedy.
Where did we go from the day our lives changed forever? We just moved forward. We started out in shock and went on auto-pilot in survival mode. We turned to God, our faith, our family and friends. I don't know how anyone gets through the loss of a child without faith. I feel sorry for those who give up their faith when they lose a child. I pray that you, dear readers, never have to go through what we've been through. However, IF you have any kind of loss I hope our experience will help you in some way. I know I keep mentioning how thankful I am for the people God puts in our lives but friends and family are such blessings. Like it or not YOU are a blessing to someone and someone cares about whether or not you are around. If you are a risk taker, please consider what it does to those around you. Consider what your family and friends would go through if they no longer had you. Know that you are loved. I love you, dear readers, whether or not we've met. My writing this story is one of the ways I can show you just how much you matter. Take care and God bless you today.
I must digress here. A question I'd like to ask God one day is, "Why do we run into more people we've not seen in a while when we look our worst?" It never fails that I see more people when I'm sloppily dressed and have no makeup on and am often in a hurry or stopping somewhere just to get one little thing from the store. Twice I've even tried hiding behind center aisle displays and wall units to avoid letting someone see me and somehow I ended up right next to them when I checked out. Am I the only one this happens to? I really doubt it. But I must confess to feeling really BAD when I've done this because I always end up having the best conversation with the person from whom I hid. It's like we never missed a day of seeing each other. I chalk this up to God's sense of humor and the lesson that I should get rid of any pride. I also know in my heart that I could avoid this situation if I would just get my makeup on every morning. I guess I like living on the edge!
I got to thinking about friendships and why they last. I know it has something to do with what we have in common. We enjoy each other's company. We like what we do when we spend time together. I notice that the friends Don and I have are as varied as you can get. Some are quiet, some are loud, some are funny and some always seem to have incredible stories to tell. We enjoy them all and thank God for allowing them to be in our lives.
Brian had some really great friends. There weren't any that I didn't like. There were some that I worried about and some of them still need to be worried about and prayed for. His friends really are fun, good humored and good hearted kids. They aren't the kind of kids who are destructive and into all kinds of meanness just for the sake of being mean. They are reckless at times but never mean-spirited. The issue I had with Brian and his friends was the partying. By that I mean it was the drinking and smoking pot from time to time. Brian got in trouble his senior year of high school. That's a story for another time but, thereafter, I watched him like a hawk. He only got mad at me one time and that was when I made him let me go to a prom after-party, which is also a story for another time.
You hear the phrase, live by the sword, die by the sword. Well Brian lived for a party and died by one too. Brian experimented with a drug he'd never taken before. He and a friend bought the drug from a fraternity brother. He and his friend went to Brian's suite and took the drug. His friend went to a fraternity function to start off homecoming week. I was told that Brian's friend spent about two and a half hours throwing up. I believe getting sick saved his friend's life. Brian stayed home. He was feeling good. He got on Facebook and his last post shared that "life is good today." He had a visitor later that night who was with him till around 2:30 in the morning. He was still alive when his friend left. We believe Brian died around 10:00 a.m. later in the day. He was discovered around 1:20 p.m. in the afternoon by his suite mate. We shared this information about Brian at his funeral. That's for another story as well.
Because of what happened with Brian we are carefully re-evaluating the friends of our sons. We are gun-shy now about so much more. We are more cautious than we have ever been. I've always been pretty direct and open with questions and topics I discuss with all the friends of my sons but now I find myself doing mental assessments of potential dangers when I meet new kids who come to the house. Derek is the one who gets the brunt of this. He's the one still in high school. He's the one who must check in and out and let me know his whereabouts. Thank goodness Derek is kind about my need to protect. The interesting thing is, Brian was really good about this. He would call to let me know what he was doing, who he was with and would alert me to changes in his evening plans. He would even let me know he was coming in late. I usually didn't like him coming home late but I would appreciate his consideration so we wouldn't worry.
It's been difficult for me to understand why anyone in my family would experiment with any drug. Don and I have talked to our kids about the dangers of drugs since they were big enough to walk. We've shared stories of our experiences of taking care of patients who died or had bad experiences with drugs. We've been open and honest and communicative with our kids. We have always been involved in our sons' lives. We've been very active at school, coached, became scout leaders. Sunday School teachers, volunteers in the community and booster club supporters. We ate at the dinner table much more often than many of our sons' friends did. Statistically speaking this should not have happened to one of our kids. I can honestly say that I don't know what else we could have done to keep our son away from pot or anything else.
Brian's death was an accident. We know that now. It was a bad decision. Brian and his friend played Russian Roulette and Brian lost. We are more than thankful that his best friend didn't pass away. He's a good man with a good future. We don't blame him for what's happened. We do think about Brian and his friends and have wondered why it had to be Brian who died. He's got friends who do much more and take many more risks than Brian ever dreamed about and yet they are still among the living. Do we resent this? Absolutely NOT! But it wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that the question has entered our minds more than once. Our hope is that Brian's friends learn from his mistake and stop taking big risks with their lives. Some have but many have not. We get messages of concern about his friends. I'm glad people are still trying to help others learn from our tragedy.
Where did we go from the day our lives changed forever? We just moved forward. We started out in shock and went on auto-pilot in survival mode. We turned to God, our faith, our family and friends. I don't know how anyone gets through the loss of a child without faith. I feel sorry for those who give up their faith when they lose a child. I pray that you, dear readers, never have to go through what we've been through. However, IF you have any kind of loss I hope our experience will help you in some way. I know I keep mentioning how thankful I am for the people God puts in our lives but friends and family are such blessings. Like it or not YOU are a blessing to someone and someone cares about whether or not you are around. If you are a risk taker, please consider what it does to those around you. Consider what your family and friends would go through if they no longer had you. Know that you are loved. I love you, dear readers, whether or not we've met. My writing this story is one of the ways I can show you just how much you matter. Take care and God bless you today.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sympathy Cards
There are a lot of things we haven't done since Brian died that we really need to do. We haven't finished writing thank you cards. We haven't cleaned up his room. We haven't cleaned out his closet. We haven't sold his truck. We still have his dorm fridge in the garage. Brian lived in a suite at college and he had kitchen ware. His dishes and flatware are still neatly packed in a box. I just can't part with those things yet. I know when the time is right, we'll let things go. The time isn't right yet.
This is a little embarrassing but I have to confess that we didn't read all the sympathy cards when we received them. I know that surprises some people and I hope that doesn't anger or hurt anyone. We tried to read a few when they first started arriving but we were in such pain and shock that we couldn't. So when we received a card we'd file them unopened in a box. They were alphabetized by last name of the sender (a personal compulsion) and for months Don and I would look at the box and avoid peaking inside. For weeks Don and I would say to each other that we were going sit down and read all those sympathy cards but we didn't. For whatever reason, we just couldn't.
We thought we were ready in January. We moved the box to the kitchen and sat it on floor next to my chair. We thought we'd read them over lunch. I'd look at the box frequently as I made soup. I knew the box wouldn't move but I just couldn't keep from watching it. I thought about what was in that precious box but the closer I got to getting lunch prepared the more I dreaded having to sit and eat it. I told Don I just couldn't open that box. He was thinking the same thing. We moved the box back to the living room and then ate lunch. The time wasn't right yet.
February rolled around and we both discussed the fact that we really needed to get to the sympathy cards. It felt safer now that we'd gotten our joy back. I knew that no matter how those cards would make us feel that we could still find a way to smile and laugh when it was over. In the first week of February we decided it was the right time to read the cards. We didn't want to do it over a meal. We thought it would be better to face those cards directly without any distractions. I got the box and carefully placed the box in the center of the kitchen table. We stared at it for a few minutes. Don was the brave one. He was the first to reach in the box. He pulled out one card, stared at it for only a second, took a deep breath, opened the envelope and the task at hand was officially underway.
I'd never thought about how we would really do this. I thought about sitting side by side and reading them together. He's a faster reader than I and I knew some cards would have a lot to say. I didn't want to be under pressure to get through any card any quicker than I wanted to. Don wouldn't put that pressure on me, it would have been self-inflicted. I decided to watch him read that first card and then I would get my hands on it allowing me all the time I needed. This turned out to be the best for us because he did get through them faster than I did. After that first card he was able to grab handfuls of cards at a time.
Once we got started it was such a wonderful experience. We cried a lot but after about the first twenty cards I started laughing. I confessed to Don that I thought I was quite clever in being second to read the cards. He had to break the ice with each card and I would assess his reactions and know that the blue card had something funny or the green card would make me cry even harder. It was like sending the first person into a swimming pool and having that person tell you whether the pool water was cold or just right. He just shook his head, smiled and kept on going. As expected, it took me a little while longer than Don to get through all the cards. Don did other things until I filed the very last card for the second time. When he came back to the kitchen the first thing he said to me was, "I am SO GLAD we WAITED to do this!" I wholeheartedly agreed.
It's pretty much understood that we all grieve differently. Each of us have different needs as we cope with the loss of a loved one. For us, waiting all that time to read the cards was such a blessing. We had gone through the lowest of low that we could feel. When we were there we were on auto pilot. We received hundreds of people at our house for over four weeks. We visited and exchanged hugs, warm thoughts and cherished memories. I can recall so much of what we experienced without any difficulty. At that time I needed the physical contact and emotional support. I will never be able to thank everyone sufficiently for all that was done for me and my family.
Brian died in October and by the end of November the visits became shorter and longer in between. We knew alone time was coming we just didn't know when we would get that. God knew and in His time we were given that alone time. We needed that alone time to search within ourselves for that strength we get from that One on One time with God and with each member of this household. That got us through the end of December. By January we were adjusting to the four of us being at home and we were discovering how to experience happiness and not feel guilty about it. Mission accomplished.
By February God knew in His infinite wisdom that we would be ready for the love and hugs that each sympathy card gave us. Because we waited, we were able to appreciate what each card said. The cards we tried to read in the first days after Brian's death had so much more meaning to us this time. We were able to TRULY enjoy the memories of Brian that others shared with us in those cards. We are so humbled by the unselfish love and support that's been bestowed upon us. We loved and needed those cards. Where are those cards now? They are in their box in the living room. Will we throw them away? No. The time isn't right yet. Love and hugs to you, dear readers.
This is a little embarrassing but I have to confess that we didn't read all the sympathy cards when we received them. I know that surprises some people and I hope that doesn't anger or hurt anyone. We tried to read a few when they first started arriving but we were in such pain and shock that we couldn't. So when we received a card we'd file them unopened in a box. They were alphabetized by last name of the sender (a personal compulsion) and for months Don and I would look at the box and avoid peaking inside. For weeks Don and I would say to each other that we were going sit down and read all those sympathy cards but we didn't. For whatever reason, we just couldn't.
We thought we were ready in January. We moved the box to the kitchen and sat it on floor next to my chair. We thought we'd read them over lunch. I'd look at the box frequently as I made soup. I knew the box wouldn't move but I just couldn't keep from watching it. I thought about what was in that precious box but the closer I got to getting lunch prepared the more I dreaded having to sit and eat it. I told Don I just couldn't open that box. He was thinking the same thing. We moved the box back to the living room and then ate lunch. The time wasn't right yet.
February rolled around and we both discussed the fact that we really needed to get to the sympathy cards. It felt safer now that we'd gotten our joy back. I knew that no matter how those cards would make us feel that we could still find a way to smile and laugh when it was over. In the first week of February we decided it was the right time to read the cards. We didn't want to do it over a meal. We thought it would be better to face those cards directly without any distractions. I got the box and carefully placed the box in the center of the kitchen table. We stared at it for a few minutes. Don was the brave one. He was the first to reach in the box. He pulled out one card, stared at it for only a second, took a deep breath, opened the envelope and the task at hand was officially underway.
I'd never thought about how we would really do this. I thought about sitting side by side and reading them together. He's a faster reader than I and I knew some cards would have a lot to say. I didn't want to be under pressure to get through any card any quicker than I wanted to. Don wouldn't put that pressure on me, it would have been self-inflicted. I decided to watch him read that first card and then I would get my hands on it allowing me all the time I needed. This turned out to be the best for us because he did get through them faster than I did. After that first card he was able to grab handfuls of cards at a time.
Once we got started it was such a wonderful experience. We cried a lot but after about the first twenty cards I started laughing. I confessed to Don that I thought I was quite clever in being second to read the cards. He had to break the ice with each card and I would assess his reactions and know that the blue card had something funny or the green card would make me cry even harder. It was like sending the first person into a swimming pool and having that person tell you whether the pool water was cold or just right. He just shook his head, smiled and kept on going. As expected, it took me a little while longer than Don to get through all the cards. Don did other things until I filed the very last card for the second time. When he came back to the kitchen the first thing he said to me was, "I am SO GLAD we WAITED to do this!" I wholeheartedly agreed.
It's pretty much understood that we all grieve differently. Each of us have different needs as we cope with the loss of a loved one. For us, waiting all that time to read the cards was such a blessing. We had gone through the lowest of low that we could feel. When we were there we were on auto pilot. We received hundreds of people at our house for over four weeks. We visited and exchanged hugs, warm thoughts and cherished memories. I can recall so much of what we experienced without any difficulty. At that time I needed the physical contact and emotional support. I will never be able to thank everyone sufficiently for all that was done for me and my family.
Brian died in October and by the end of November the visits became shorter and longer in between. We knew alone time was coming we just didn't know when we would get that. God knew and in His time we were given that alone time. We needed that alone time to search within ourselves for that strength we get from that One on One time with God and with each member of this household. That got us through the end of December. By January we were adjusting to the four of us being at home and we were discovering how to experience happiness and not feel guilty about it. Mission accomplished.
By February God knew in His infinite wisdom that we would be ready for the love and hugs that each sympathy card gave us. Because we waited, we were able to appreciate what each card said. The cards we tried to read in the first days after Brian's death had so much more meaning to us this time. We were able to TRULY enjoy the memories of Brian that others shared with us in those cards. We are so humbled by the unselfish love and support that's been bestowed upon us. We loved and needed those cards. Where are those cards now? They are in their box in the living room. Will we throw them away? No. The time isn't right yet. Love and hugs to you, dear readers.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Retreat Lesson 5 - God created HUMOR too!
After Brian died I lost my joy. There were times when it was difficult to even crack a smile for many many weeks unless we were talking about something funny that Brian did. To be honest, I found myself feeling a little guilty for a very long time for even enjoying small moments. Somewhere in January, Don and I found joy again. I really don't know if our joy was truly lost or if we just wouldn't allow ourselves to feel it. Either way, we are experiencing happiness once again and we are appreciating it. We have started looking for the humor in situations and it's nice to do that again. I love to laugh! I love to have fun. I am so thankful for Don's sense of humor.
I got to thinking about the importance of humor. I value it highly but I know people who don't. Can't quite figure that out. Is happiness a choice? Sometimes I think it is. This retreat lesson was meant to help those who have difficulty finding humor in daily life. I feel sorry for people who don't laugh very much. I think laughter is a gift. If any of you readers are humor-impaired my hope for you is that you learn to laugh much more often. If you can't or don't want to laugh I hope you at least find more things to smile about. Happiness, hugs and good humor to you all.
GOD CREATED HUMOR TOO!
Have you ever heard anyone ask, "Why would I want to be a Christian and stop having fun?" That was a real slap in the face when I heard that very question uttered to me and my friends in high school. I heard it again when I was in college. Why would anyone think Christians can't, don't or won't have fun? Is it because we give that impression? It's possible.
Being a Christian doesn't mean you've given up your sense of humor. There are many Christians who know how to laugh at themselves and at the world around them. There are Christian Comedians, for Heaven's sake! There are even humorous things to be found in the Bible. Proverbs is full of advice, common sense and quips of wisdom. If you get the chance try looking for humor in things you read. For example, in Proverbs 27: 15 it says, "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike." I get the impression that the sound of dripping and a contentious woman really got on the author's nerves. I find that funny. I want you to understand that grief, sadness, loneliness and the need for advice aren't the only reasons to seek God's word. We can use His word even when we are happy and feeling good.
Becoming a Christian doesn't mean you have to give up fun and laughter. If it did, we wouldn't have Children's Moments at Church. No one would joke around in Sunday School classes. The preacher wouldn't be allowed to share funny stories if we weren't supposed to enjoy our fellowship together. Laughter is good for the soul. If it wasn't good for our souls there wouldn't be so many references to having a joyful heart in the Bible.
Finding humor in unpleasant situations is a helpful coping mechanism. Humor is a gift. Humor has great and positive impacts on healing from injury and disease. Humor can help you endure or survive any situation that comes your way. Stop and think of the last time you got mad at a family member when you could have laughed at the calamity of the moment. Would changing your perspective from anger to humor have prevented hurtful words from being exchanged? It's possible.
The bone in the upper arm is called the humerus. No matter how corny this may sound I find it interesting that when we comfort people we often put our arms around them. It makes them and us feel better. Humor has the same effect. The next time you put your arm around someone, consider sharing your humor, if it's appropriate, as well as your humerus when offering your love and support.
Think about what's you've read so far and consider this challenge. When you go home, try humor instead of anger when dealing with your toddler, your teenager, your spouse, your loved ones (that includes your in-laws!), your roommates and your pets. LIGHTEN UP if you are an intense person. You'll be amazed at what it does to improve your relationships and what it does for your attitude and outlook on life.
Take a minute or two to reflect on the advantages of humor and pray for a joyful heart.
"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." - John 15:11.
"And the disciples were filled with joy, and with the Holy Spirit." - Acts 13:52
I got to thinking about the importance of humor. I value it highly but I know people who don't. Can't quite figure that out. Is happiness a choice? Sometimes I think it is. This retreat lesson was meant to help those who have difficulty finding humor in daily life. I feel sorry for people who don't laugh very much. I think laughter is a gift. If any of you readers are humor-impaired my hope for you is that you learn to laugh much more often. If you can't or don't want to laugh I hope you at least find more things to smile about. Happiness, hugs and good humor to you all.
GOD CREATED HUMOR TOO!
Have you ever heard anyone ask, "Why would I want to be a Christian and stop having fun?" That was a real slap in the face when I heard that very question uttered to me and my friends in high school. I heard it again when I was in college. Why would anyone think Christians can't, don't or won't have fun? Is it because we give that impression? It's possible.
Being a Christian doesn't mean you've given up your sense of humor. There are many Christians who know how to laugh at themselves and at the world around them. There are Christian Comedians, for Heaven's sake! There are even humorous things to be found in the Bible. Proverbs is full of advice, common sense and quips of wisdom. If you get the chance try looking for humor in things you read. For example, in Proverbs 27: 15 it says, "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike." I get the impression that the sound of dripping and a contentious woman really got on the author's nerves. I find that funny. I want you to understand that grief, sadness, loneliness and the need for advice aren't the only reasons to seek God's word. We can use His word even when we are happy and feeling good.
Becoming a Christian doesn't mean you have to give up fun and laughter. If it did, we wouldn't have Children's Moments at Church. No one would joke around in Sunday School classes. The preacher wouldn't be allowed to share funny stories if we weren't supposed to enjoy our fellowship together. Laughter is good for the soul. If it wasn't good for our souls there wouldn't be so many references to having a joyful heart in the Bible.
Finding humor in unpleasant situations is a helpful coping mechanism. Humor is a gift. Humor has great and positive impacts on healing from injury and disease. Humor can help you endure or survive any situation that comes your way. Stop and think of the last time you got mad at a family member when you could have laughed at the calamity of the moment. Would changing your perspective from anger to humor have prevented hurtful words from being exchanged? It's possible.
The bone in the upper arm is called the humerus. No matter how corny this may sound I find it interesting that when we comfort people we often put our arms around them. It makes them and us feel better. Humor has the same effect. The next time you put your arm around someone, consider sharing your humor, if it's appropriate, as well as your humerus when offering your love and support.
Think about what's you've read so far and consider this challenge. When you go home, try humor instead of anger when dealing with your toddler, your teenager, your spouse, your loved ones (that includes your in-laws!), your roommates and your pets. LIGHTEN UP if you are an intense person. You'll be amazed at what it does to improve your relationships and what it does for your attitude and outlook on life.
Take a minute or two to reflect on the advantages of humor and pray for a joyful heart.
"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." - John 15:11.
"And the disciples were filled with joy, and with the Holy Spirit." - Acts 13:52
Retreat Lesson 4 - DE-Stress Yourself
We live in a fast paced society where news travels in milliseconds and communication is right at our fingertips every minute of the day. I've yet to figure out why some people who don't want to be disturbed won't turn off their cell phones even for a few minutes. Are you that way? Think about it and consider turning it off. Life is what we make of it. We can choose to live in constant motion with little down time and take on so many responsibilities that we lose ourselves in the piles of "to do" lists. We can also choose to escape our responsibilities and participate in activities that take away from our relationships and eat away at our souls. My hope for you, dear readers, is that you will take the time to evaluate your life and figure out how to grow in positive ways physically, mentally and spiritually so that all of your relationships are good and you have time to count and appreciate your blessings. This retreat was written years ago with that in mind.
DE-STRESS Yourself
Isn't it interesting how stress has become such a big part of life even though we have more "conveniences" than ever before? We are able to travel long distances in less than half the time. We can communicate with others with the touch of a few buttons in a matter of seconds. We can see historic events unfold before our eyes even when they occur on the other side of the world. We are blessed to have technology that has made life easier for us, however, there are times when it seems that we have been cursed by those same conveniences.
Our way of life is much faster now. We make ourselves accessible to everyone through our cordless phones, cell phones, FAX machines and the internet. We believe more is expected of us. We want to "have it all." We put pressure on ourselves to do it all, to be everything to everyone. On top of that, we pressure ourselves to be pleasant to everyone even when we are stretched to our maximum capacity. Such stresses can have a negative impact on our health and on our relationships with our family and friends. Even more important is that when we let stress get to us it can keep us from God.
Take the time to ask yourself the following questions.
~How often do you take time out of the day to talk to God?
~How often do you take time out of the day to focus on you?
~How often do you take time to evaluate your relationships with your spouse, your children, your friends, your relatives and then try to enhance those relationships?
~How often do you consult God about your blessings as well as your concerns?
God is the only One capable of managing everyone and everything at every given moment. God wants us to allow Him to help us. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16. Through His word, God gives us instruction, hope and peace that can be applied to every aspect of our lives.
It is important to be open to what God wants to tell you. To enable you to hear Him, clear your mind of worries, stresses and other distractions that can take you away from God. After reading the remainder of this page, please do the following exercise and follow it with a prayer to thank God for his mercy and many blessings upon you. Ask that your heart be open to His word and for the opportunity to hear His message for you at this time.
Take a deep breath in through your nose then breathe out very slowly through pursed lips. Stop and assess your body position. Are you in a relaxed position? If not, get in a relaxed position and take another deep breath, let the air out slowly and relax again. May peace be with you as you pray.
"The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace." Psalm 81:1.
DE-STRESS Yourself
Isn't it interesting how stress has become such a big part of life even though we have more "conveniences" than ever before? We are able to travel long distances in less than half the time. We can communicate with others with the touch of a few buttons in a matter of seconds. We can see historic events unfold before our eyes even when they occur on the other side of the world. We are blessed to have technology that has made life easier for us, however, there are times when it seems that we have been cursed by those same conveniences.
Our way of life is much faster now. We make ourselves accessible to everyone through our cordless phones, cell phones, FAX machines and the internet. We believe more is expected of us. We want to "have it all." We put pressure on ourselves to do it all, to be everything to everyone. On top of that, we pressure ourselves to be pleasant to everyone even when we are stretched to our maximum capacity. Such stresses can have a negative impact on our health and on our relationships with our family and friends. Even more important is that when we let stress get to us it can keep us from God.
Take the time to ask yourself the following questions.
~How often do you take time out of the day to talk to God?
~How often do you take time out of the day to focus on you?
~How often do you take time to evaluate your relationships with your spouse, your children, your friends, your relatives and then try to enhance those relationships?
~How often do you consult God about your blessings as well as your concerns?
God is the only One capable of managing everyone and everything at every given moment. God wants us to allow Him to help us. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16. Through His word, God gives us instruction, hope and peace that can be applied to every aspect of our lives.
It is important to be open to what God wants to tell you. To enable you to hear Him, clear your mind of worries, stresses and other distractions that can take you away from God. After reading the remainder of this page, please do the following exercise and follow it with a prayer to thank God for his mercy and many blessings upon you. Ask that your heart be open to His word and for the opportunity to hear His message for you at this time.
Take a deep breath in through your nose then breathe out very slowly through pursed lips. Stop and assess your body position. Are you in a relaxed position? If not, get in a relaxed position and take another deep breath, let the air out slowly and relax again. May peace be with you as you pray.
"The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace." Psalm 81:1.
Retreat Lesson 3 - Trust
As our world changes and we see people struggling to keep jobs, make ends meet or heal from losses it's sometimes difficult to keep the faith. It's even more difficult when bad things happen that directly affect us, our families and friends. We don't often have control over life events but we do have control over how we react to them. I pray for you, dear readers, that no matter what you are going through that you are able to cope, keep your faith and have access to those who can help you.
TRUST IN THE LORD!
In a perfect world there would be no hatred, no anger, no need for fights and other events that cause us great despair or stress. However, without those things there would also be no opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. Weekend retreats would serve no purpose for you or anyone else.
It's very possible that if you never experience strife, you would never be able to appreciate and know the joy, the reward, the love, the protection, the peace and the wisdom that only He can provide. You would never have a need to depend on God, therefore, you might not ever get to know Him. If there were no daily challenges, you would have no need to turn to God's word and seek advice. You would never be able to experience healing and victory that is available to us through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
To the non-believer, giving thanks to the Lord for the challenges we face on a day to day basis makes absolutely no sense. There are times when believers find it impossible to understand why we go through the trials and tribulations we go through. Life is set up that way. The Lord challenges us to seek His truth and understanding. Proverbs 3:5 tells us to, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." God challenges us to trust Him with all of our troubles and in times of adversity. Luke 10:19 says, "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you."
Not to offend anyone, but the above is easier SAID than DONE. That's the beauty and the nature of our relationship with God. There is no greater feeling than conquering personal fears and weaknesses through the power of faith. There is no greater joy than when you overcome temptation and have victory over your enemies with the help of the Holy Spirit. It seems like an unfair advantage when you have God on your side but that is where He wants to be. God wants you to ask Him to be on your team! He tells us in Psalm 37:5 to "commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass."
It appears that the best armor you have against evil is to turn your life over to God and to trust in the Lord Almighty. You must have faith in Him that He will take care of you and, likewise, He will take care of your enemy. Does this mean that if you trust in Him that you will see victory quickly and will have an understanding of all that happens? Not necessarily. You can trust in the fact that God takes care of all things in His time, in His way and with His purpose in mind. Does this mean you never need to take action yourself? Not at all. You must open your heart and listen for His instruction which can be done through prayer and the study of God's word.
If you are worried or fearful about anything, take time now to discuss your worries and fears with your Heavenly Father. Open your heart to His comfort and guidance.
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." - John 14:27.
TRUST IN THE LORD!
In a perfect world there would be no hatred, no anger, no need for fights and other events that cause us great despair or stress. However, without those things there would also be no opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. Weekend retreats would serve no purpose for you or anyone else.
It's very possible that if you never experience strife, you would never be able to appreciate and know the joy, the reward, the love, the protection, the peace and the wisdom that only He can provide. You would never have a need to depend on God, therefore, you might not ever get to know Him. If there were no daily challenges, you would have no need to turn to God's word and seek advice. You would never be able to experience healing and victory that is available to us through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
To the non-believer, giving thanks to the Lord for the challenges we face on a day to day basis makes absolutely no sense. There are times when believers find it impossible to understand why we go through the trials and tribulations we go through. Life is set up that way. The Lord challenges us to seek His truth and understanding. Proverbs 3:5 tells us to, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." God challenges us to trust Him with all of our troubles and in times of adversity. Luke 10:19 says, "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you."
Not to offend anyone, but the above is easier SAID than DONE. That's the beauty and the nature of our relationship with God. There is no greater feeling than conquering personal fears and weaknesses through the power of faith. There is no greater joy than when you overcome temptation and have victory over your enemies with the help of the Holy Spirit. It seems like an unfair advantage when you have God on your side but that is where He wants to be. God wants you to ask Him to be on your team! He tells us in Psalm 37:5 to "commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass."
It appears that the best armor you have against evil is to turn your life over to God and to trust in the Lord Almighty. You must have faith in Him that He will take care of you and, likewise, He will take care of your enemy. Does this mean that if you trust in Him that you will see victory quickly and will have an understanding of all that happens? Not necessarily. You can trust in the fact that God takes care of all things in His time, in His way and with His purpose in mind. Does this mean you never need to take action yourself? Not at all. You must open your heart and listen for His instruction which can be done through prayer and the study of God's word.
If you are worried or fearful about anything, take time now to discuss your worries and fears with your Heavenly Father. Open your heart to His comfort and guidance.
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." - John 14:27.
Retreat Lesson 2 - Your Relationship
These retreat lessons were originally written for women because I wrote them, with God's guidance, for a women's weekend retreat but I have adjusted these lessons to include men. I hope you learn from them. I know I did. Blessings to you as you go on your life's journey. May you feel renewed in your walk with God.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
If you are a parent, think about those first moments you had with your newborn baby. There was wonder, excitement and, possibly, a little bit of fear. As a new parent you didn't want to do anything to harm that relationship. If you have no children, think of your first love or when you first met the man/woman of your dreams. There was wonder and excitement and you probably wanted to spend as much time as possible getting to know your new love. If you are a pet owner, think of the first time you met your new "family member." You had to be excited and full of anticipation wondering how you and your pet would bond. The natural instinct is to protect that pet and there is a yearning to develop a way to communicate so that pet would love and trust you.
Have you ever thought of what God thinks every time we decide to renew our faith or to renew our relationship with Him? Even though He already knows you, it must be pleasing to Him to think that you want to devote your life to Him, whether it's for the first time or the seventeenth time. He is always happy to have us come home to stay.
Unlike human relationships, your relationship with Jesus Christ doesn't change on His part. He offers you the most consistent relationship you will ever experience. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes, and forever." - Hebrews 13:8. You will not have a friend as faithful as our Lord. "For He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you nor will I forsake you.' " - Hebrews 13:5. Our friends and spouses cannot make that claim. They may show disappointment in you or your decisions or they may have difficulty forgiving a wrong you've done. God will forever offer you forgiveness.
Your relationship with God is personal and unique. Only you and He know the quality and strength of your relationship.
Take time to reflect on your relationship with Christ.
How much time have you given God this week?
How can you make more time for His Word?
What changes can you make to be more consistent with Him?
Devote the next few minutes to thoughtful prayer to renew your relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
If you are a parent, think about those first moments you had with your newborn baby. There was wonder, excitement and, possibly, a little bit of fear. As a new parent you didn't want to do anything to harm that relationship. If you have no children, think of your first love or when you first met the man/woman of your dreams. There was wonder and excitement and you probably wanted to spend as much time as possible getting to know your new love. If you are a pet owner, think of the first time you met your new "family member." You had to be excited and full of anticipation wondering how you and your pet would bond. The natural instinct is to protect that pet and there is a yearning to develop a way to communicate so that pet would love and trust you.
Have you ever thought of what God thinks every time we decide to renew our faith or to renew our relationship with Him? Even though He already knows you, it must be pleasing to Him to think that you want to devote your life to Him, whether it's for the first time or the seventeenth time. He is always happy to have us come home to stay.
Unlike human relationships, your relationship with Jesus Christ doesn't change on His part. He offers you the most consistent relationship you will ever experience. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes, and forever." - Hebrews 13:8. You will not have a friend as faithful as our Lord. "For He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you nor will I forsake you.' " - Hebrews 13:5. Our friends and spouses cannot make that claim. They may show disappointment in you or your decisions or they may have difficulty forgiving a wrong you've done. God will forever offer you forgiveness.
Your relationship with God is personal and unique. Only you and He know the quality and strength of your relationship.
Take time to reflect on your relationship with Christ.
How much time have you given God this week?
How can you make more time for His Word?
What changes can you make to be more consistent with Him?
Devote the next few minutes to thoughtful prayer to renew your relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Retreat Lesson 1 - Our Purpose
Years ago my church offered a weekend "Women's Retreat" that was held at a church camp. Activities included outdoor services, praise and worship, lots of food, fun and fellowship. There was an optional "Nature Walk" that took participants up a big hill, which was like a small mountain for those not in the best of shape. The reward for making it up "Cardiac Hill" was the presence of an outdoor fellowship and worship sight. It is breathtakingly beautiful. You find yourself standing on top of the hill where a giant cross stands and large boulders serve as pews. Below is a lush wooded valley full of all shades of green in the spring and summer. In the fall you are blessed with incredible corals, oranges, reds and yellows that appear before the winter season sets in.
I was asked to write a "spiritual walk" to go along a nature trail at this camp. I am not an expert on the Bible. I'm not anyone of great importance and I never really knew why I was asked to do this particular task; however, since it was asked of me I grabbed the bull by the horns, immediately started praying, did some Bible research and took that leap of faith that God would give me wisdom and a boat load of creativity. The result was seven lessons that were designed to give participants rest opportunities as well as moments of reflection as they ascended this huge hill. I am still humbled by the opportunity that God and the planning committee for that event had afforded me. I am a woman of faith. I am a Christian and I want to share my Nature Walk with you. I hope it gives you insight into yourself, your relationships with those around you and with God. Thank you, dear readers, for indulging me. Hugs to you on your walk.
OUR PURPOSE INCLUDES SERVING GOD & HELPING OTHERS
Women are very special people. We are indeed different from our male counterparts and that's a GOOD thing. In Genesis 2:20 it is written that Adam had no suitable helper. By verse 22 in that same chapter, woman was created. If you have ever wondered why you were born, you can know that you are here to serve God and to help others.
Please take time now to reflect on the past year and answer the following questions:
How have I served God over the past year?
How have I served God in the past month?
How have I served God in the past week?
How did I serve God yesterday?
How have I helped others over the past year?
How have I helped others in the past month?
How have I helped others in the past week?
How did I help others yesterday?
In remembering those times you served God and helped others, evaluate the impact it had on your relationship with Him.
Did it draw you closer to Him?
Did it have any impact on your relationships with others?
Did you take the time to count your blessings?
Did you stop to consider that what you were doing was of service to God?
There are times we act out of love but forget to acknowledge from where that love comes. All acts of kindness and love are gifts from our Heavenly Father. Each and every time we are given the opportunity to love others is a blessing not to be taken for granted. The purpose of this path is to allow you to see God in the faces of all you come in contact with and in the moments you have to serve. Remember, you are a servant of and warrior for Him.
Please take time now to pray, giving thanks for the gifts He has given you and for the opportunity to do His will by serving and helping others.
It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High. Psalm 92:1
I was asked to write a "spiritual walk" to go along a nature trail at this camp. I am not an expert on the Bible. I'm not anyone of great importance and I never really knew why I was asked to do this particular task; however, since it was asked of me I grabbed the bull by the horns, immediately started praying, did some Bible research and took that leap of faith that God would give me wisdom and a boat load of creativity. The result was seven lessons that were designed to give participants rest opportunities as well as moments of reflection as they ascended this huge hill. I am still humbled by the opportunity that God and the planning committee for that event had afforded me. I am a woman of faith. I am a Christian and I want to share my Nature Walk with you. I hope it gives you insight into yourself, your relationships with those around you and with God. Thank you, dear readers, for indulging me. Hugs to you on your walk.
OUR PURPOSE INCLUDES SERVING GOD & HELPING OTHERS
Women are very special people. We are indeed different from our male counterparts and that's a GOOD thing. In Genesis 2:20 it is written that Adam had no suitable helper. By verse 22 in that same chapter, woman was created. If you have ever wondered why you were born, you can know that you are here to serve God and to help others.
Please take time now to reflect on the past year and answer the following questions:
How have I served God over the past year?
How have I served God in the past month?
How have I served God in the past week?
How did I serve God yesterday?
How have I helped others over the past year?
How have I helped others in the past month?
How have I helped others in the past week?
How did I help others yesterday?
In remembering those times you served God and helped others, evaluate the impact it had on your relationship with Him.
Did it draw you closer to Him?
Did it have any impact on your relationships with others?
Did you take the time to count your blessings?
Did you stop to consider that what you were doing was of service to God?
There are times we act out of love but forget to acknowledge from where that love comes. All acts of kindness and love are gifts from our Heavenly Father. Each and every time we are given the opportunity to love others is a blessing not to be taken for granted. The purpose of this path is to allow you to see God in the faces of all you come in contact with and in the moments you have to serve. Remember, you are a servant of and warrior for Him.
Please take time now to pray, giving thanks for the gifts He has given you and for the opportunity to do His will by serving and helping others.
It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High. Psalm 92:1
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
When I was 16 a very close friend was killed in a car accident. It hurt so bad to lose her and I couldn't imagine what her parents were feeling. I now know what they went through. I visited her parents a few times after her death but I was consumed with my own grief and got distracted by high school activities and I quit visiting them. I know now that I should have continued the visits. Am I a bad person? I don't think so. I just didn't know how to deal with it. We've noticed that we have experienced the loss of contact with some of our friends. I have my own perspective on that and want to share it with you. I hope it will help the hearts of others dealing with the same thing.
When Brian died we were given advice by our pastor and funeral director to not take any attempts at offering support in a bad way. Fortunately for us there were very few things said that were hurtful. I did experience a few conversations that were painful but I chose to believe that these "comforters" just didn't understand what they were saying. It's funny how people mean to be supportive but end up saying inappropriate or cruel things. I learned quickly that in life, in death and when grieving for lost loved ones that ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. My attitude is that all comforters mean well. I would suggest to you that when/if you lose a loved one in the future that you adopt this attitude. It will make your healing process much less complicated.
I was talking to a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen in a long time. She asked me if I'd heard from a mutual friend. I hadn't. This mutual friend had a son Brian's age. She asked me about another mutual friend with a daughter that was Brian's age and I hadn't heard from her either. By the time she'd asked about two other friends she saw a pattern and I realized she was getting irritated. She got on a rant about how people should be more supportive and make themselves available and she actually said she felt sorry for me and started to apologize for our mutual friends. I told her it wasn't necessary to apologize and I told her not to be angry because it's not personal.
Here's my take on the lack of contact with some of my friends who have kids the same age as Brian.
I've noticed that most of our friends are people we've met through our kids. Take a look at who you spend a lot of your time with. Think about how you met them and why you continue to spend time with them. As I take inventory of our friends I realize that the common denominator in most of our friendships are our boys. We've had friends come in and out of our lives and that mostly had to do with what athletic, scouting, church and youth activities we were participating in at the time. Some of the people we've met through our kids are life long friends that we socialize with. We get together, go out to dinner, play games, watch movies and do other things whether or not our kids are around. We've built a bond outside of our kids' activities and that doesn't happen with everyone we know. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
Now that Brian is gone from our physical life we've lost that common denominator with parents of kids his age. We don't have the games to go to or other extracurricular events that used to draw us together. This could and would have happened whether or not Brian had passed away. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
There are adult friends who haven't spoken to us since Brian died. There are friends of Brian's who also haven't spoken to us since he died. It's not that they don't care about us and our family. I know in my heart that they still care a great deal. They just don't know what to say. We are a reminder that no one's child is guaranteed another tomorrow. It's too uncomfortable to deal with. Our situation makes them sad. It's just easier NOT to be around us.
Should we be angry or hold a grudge? Absolutely NOT! We need time to heal and it only makes sense that those who avoid us need healing time too. The path to healing is unique to every individual. Some people need company and some people need to be alone. Some people need to avoid the pain for a period of time and when they are ready to deal with the pain they will face it. I choose to believe that when our friends are in a better place in dealing with Brian's death they'll be able to talk to us again. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
The flip side to this is that there are people who weren't close to us before Brian passed away but they are now. We've got new friends in our lives, some adult, some teenagers, that I KNOW God brought to us because we need them. Some will be life long friends. Others will be here as long as God believes we need them and they will move on to others who need them when the time is right. I think it's all part of the process of healing and changing according to God's will.
I like to think of our friends as little hugs from God. He has blessed us with numerous friends and we've discussed how fortunate we are to have them all in our lives. We don't need anyone to feel sorry for us. We don't need anyone getting angry with others for not being around. We know that God has provided the people we need in our lives. He did that before Brian passed and He will continue to do that as we continue on our journey through life. So, thank you dear friends, for letting God wrap His arms around us and hold us through good times, bad times and times in between. I wish you, dear readers, many hugs throughout your lives.
When Brian died we were given advice by our pastor and funeral director to not take any attempts at offering support in a bad way. Fortunately for us there were very few things said that were hurtful. I did experience a few conversations that were painful but I chose to believe that these "comforters" just didn't understand what they were saying. It's funny how people mean to be supportive but end up saying inappropriate or cruel things. I learned quickly that in life, in death and when grieving for lost loved ones that ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. My attitude is that all comforters mean well. I would suggest to you that when/if you lose a loved one in the future that you adopt this attitude. It will make your healing process much less complicated.
I was talking to a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen in a long time. She asked me if I'd heard from a mutual friend. I hadn't. This mutual friend had a son Brian's age. She asked me about another mutual friend with a daughter that was Brian's age and I hadn't heard from her either. By the time she'd asked about two other friends she saw a pattern and I realized she was getting irritated. She got on a rant about how people should be more supportive and make themselves available and she actually said she felt sorry for me and started to apologize for our mutual friends. I told her it wasn't necessary to apologize and I told her not to be angry because it's not personal.
Here's my take on the lack of contact with some of my friends who have kids the same age as Brian.
I've noticed that most of our friends are people we've met through our kids. Take a look at who you spend a lot of your time with. Think about how you met them and why you continue to spend time with them. As I take inventory of our friends I realize that the common denominator in most of our friendships are our boys. We've had friends come in and out of our lives and that mostly had to do with what athletic, scouting, church and youth activities we were participating in at the time. Some of the people we've met through our kids are life long friends that we socialize with. We get together, go out to dinner, play games, watch movies and do other things whether or not our kids are around. We've built a bond outside of our kids' activities and that doesn't happen with everyone we know. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
Now that Brian is gone from our physical life we've lost that common denominator with parents of kids his age. We don't have the games to go to or other extracurricular events that used to draw us together. This could and would have happened whether or not Brian had passed away. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
There are adult friends who haven't spoken to us since Brian died. There are friends of Brian's who also haven't spoken to us since he died. It's not that they don't care about us and our family. I know in my heart that they still care a great deal. They just don't know what to say. We are a reminder that no one's child is guaranteed another tomorrow. It's too uncomfortable to deal with. Our situation makes them sad. It's just easier NOT to be around us.
Should we be angry or hold a grudge? Absolutely NOT! We need time to heal and it only makes sense that those who avoid us need healing time too. The path to healing is unique to every individual. Some people need company and some people need to be alone. Some people need to avoid the pain for a period of time and when they are ready to deal with the pain they will face it. I choose to believe that when our friends are in a better place in dealing with Brian's death they'll be able to talk to us again. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
The flip side to this is that there are people who weren't close to us before Brian passed away but they are now. We've got new friends in our lives, some adult, some teenagers, that I KNOW God brought to us because we need them. Some will be life long friends. Others will be here as long as God believes we need them and they will move on to others who need them when the time is right. I think it's all part of the process of healing and changing according to God's will.
I like to think of our friends as little hugs from God. He has blessed us with numerous friends and we've discussed how fortunate we are to have them all in our lives. We don't need anyone to feel sorry for us. We don't need anyone getting angry with others for not being around. We know that God has provided the people we need in our lives. He did that before Brian passed and He will continue to do that as we continue on our journey through life. So, thank you dear friends, for letting God wrap His arms around us and hold us through good times, bad times and times in between. I wish you, dear readers, many hugs throughout your lives.
Monday, February 22, 2010
My Valentine Day Surprise
St. Valentine's Day is supposed to be the holiday for lovers of all kinds. Even though we should all be loving and kind year round this special day is a day that we are allowed to make up for those times when we fall short. I have always enjoyed this day because it has given me an excuse to enjoy a little extra chocolate. It's also been a day that I could bestow a little extra love on my family without being considered cheesy. Another special thing about this day is that my boys (that term includes my amazing husband) could show me a little extra love and I love every minute of that.
My middle son, Brian, had started his own tradition four years ago. He would give me a single long stemmed rose along with a hug and a kiss. He would always say, "I love you, Momma." He would flash his beautiful white toothy smile and know he'd done something very special all on his own. I didn't take these flowers for granted. I knew money was tight for him at times. I knew he also had girlfriends to remember as well. I was always surprised and thankful that he would take the time to remember me.
I was dreading Valentine's Day this year. I'd made it through the other holidays and I knew I could get through this one without Brian. I just didn't want to feel the "missing him more than I usually do" moments that I knew were inevitable. I shared my dread with my husband, Don, and sons, Andrew and Derek. They understood what I was talking about. They don't like those moments any more than I do.
From time to time Brian's friends come over and visit. I've always enjoyed Brian's friends. Brian was pretty special in his own way and his friends are still special to us. On Friday before Valentine's Day a friend of Brian's came over and presented me with an art project. He was assigned to make a "memorial or shrine" to someone he admired and respected. He chose to make one centered on Brian. I'm happy to announce that he got an "A" on his art project. It's a decorated box that has pictures of Brian and images of activities that Brian participated in and were associated with. I'm also glad to say that I am proudly displaying it. Every time I look at it I smile and it warms my heart. How thoughtful it is for him to think of giving that to me.
On Saturday before Valentine's Day other friends of Brian came over. I really appreciate the visits from his friends. I'm thankful that his friends would take time to think of Brian's family and keep us up on their lives. It gives us all time to learn more about each other and it also allows us time to remember Brian together. We shared so many stories and caught up on their lives and love lives. I am still a mom who wants the kids to be happy and to make good decisions and I let them know that. At times we reminisced about things we all did with Brian. I shared various things and I told them the stories of Valentine's Days past and told them I would miss Brian's rose. They shared the things they would miss most about Brian and we all laughed about the fun times they all had. Saturday ended late. The guys stayed longer than they'd intended. We didn't mind but it was time to call it a night so Don could get to bed. As I hugged one friend goodbye I almost couldn't let him go. He smelled just like Brian used to smell. He was wearing the same cologne that Brian used to wear. It surprised me at how comforting this was. The other friend hugs just like Brian used to hug me. I also find that difficult to let go of but I know I have to and always do.
On Valentine's Day morning I started out the front door to get my paper. To my delight I found a single long stemmed red rose standing upright so perfectly beautiful. It was propped up between a planter and bear statue right in the middle of my porch. I noticed a tag waving in the wind. I leaned over to read the tag and noticed that the rose had been scented with Brian's brand of cologne. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I read, "To a Mom loved by many but loved most by one." Tears of gratitude started streaming down my cheeks. I then picked up the rose and discovered another note with a funny picture of Brian wound tightly around the lower part of the stem. This note read as follows:
"A bond between a mother and her son is unbreakable. Thank you Mom for not only the love you have given me but also to the ones that surrounded me. Even though I could not give you this rose personally, I found a way spiritually through the ones closest to me. When times seem to be unbearable and you pray that I am there, I am. Sometimes you notice me more times than others, like when I combed my hands through your hair or when I give you that kiss goodnight. I will and ALWAYS WILL be there. I guess you can say I am YOUR guardian angel.
With an unmeasurable amount of love,
Your Secret Admirer"
I am completely taken by the love and kindness bestowed on me by Brian's friends. I believe that "birds of a feather flock together" and Brian was such a kind, funny (incredibly funny) and loving person. Many of his friends are so much like he was. I am respecting the anonymity of the Secret Admirer even though I have an idea of who it is. Those people or that person made the day so much easier to deal with and get through. Don, Andrew and Derek confirmed that they did not commit this act of kindness. In fact they all got me long stemmed roses on their own and did what they could to be sure we all remembered Brian and had a blessed day. So much for dreading the day. On a scale of one to ten, this day ended up being worth 10 hugs.
Love and hugs to you, dear readers!
My middle son, Brian, had started his own tradition four years ago. He would give me a single long stemmed rose along with a hug and a kiss. He would always say, "I love you, Momma." He would flash his beautiful white toothy smile and know he'd done something very special all on his own. I didn't take these flowers for granted. I knew money was tight for him at times. I knew he also had girlfriends to remember as well. I was always surprised and thankful that he would take the time to remember me.
I was dreading Valentine's Day this year. I'd made it through the other holidays and I knew I could get through this one without Brian. I just didn't want to feel the "missing him more than I usually do" moments that I knew were inevitable. I shared my dread with my husband, Don, and sons, Andrew and Derek. They understood what I was talking about. They don't like those moments any more than I do.
From time to time Brian's friends come over and visit. I've always enjoyed Brian's friends. Brian was pretty special in his own way and his friends are still special to us. On Friday before Valentine's Day a friend of Brian's came over and presented me with an art project. He was assigned to make a "memorial or shrine" to someone he admired and respected. He chose to make one centered on Brian. I'm happy to announce that he got an "A" on his art project. It's a decorated box that has pictures of Brian and images of activities that Brian participated in and were associated with. I'm also glad to say that I am proudly displaying it. Every time I look at it I smile and it warms my heart. How thoughtful it is for him to think of giving that to me.
On Saturday before Valentine's Day other friends of Brian came over. I really appreciate the visits from his friends. I'm thankful that his friends would take time to think of Brian's family and keep us up on their lives. It gives us all time to learn more about each other and it also allows us time to remember Brian together. We shared so many stories and caught up on their lives and love lives. I am still a mom who wants the kids to be happy and to make good decisions and I let them know that. At times we reminisced about things we all did with Brian. I shared various things and I told them the stories of Valentine's Days past and told them I would miss Brian's rose. They shared the things they would miss most about Brian and we all laughed about the fun times they all had. Saturday ended late. The guys stayed longer than they'd intended. We didn't mind but it was time to call it a night so Don could get to bed. As I hugged one friend goodbye I almost couldn't let him go. He smelled just like Brian used to smell. He was wearing the same cologne that Brian used to wear. It surprised me at how comforting this was. The other friend hugs just like Brian used to hug me. I also find that difficult to let go of but I know I have to and always do.
On Valentine's Day morning I started out the front door to get my paper. To my delight I found a single long stemmed red rose standing upright so perfectly beautiful. It was propped up between a planter and bear statue right in the middle of my porch. I noticed a tag waving in the wind. I leaned over to read the tag and noticed that the rose had been scented with Brian's brand of cologne. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I read, "To a Mom loved by many but loved most by one." Tears of gratitude started streaming down my cheeks. I then picked up the rose and discovered another note with a funny picture of Brian wound tightly around the lower part of the stem. This note read as follows:
"A bond between a mother and her son is unbreakable. Thank you Mom for not only the love you have given me but also to the ones that surrounded me. Even though I could not give you this rose personally, I found a way spiritually through the ones closest to me. When times seem to be unbearable and you pray that I am there, I am. Sometimes you notice me more times than others, like when I combed my hands through your hair or when I give you that kiss goodnight. I will and ALWAYS WILL be there. I guess you can say I am YOUR guardian angel.
With an unmeasurable amount of love,
Your Secret Admirer"
I am completely taken by the love and kindness bestowed on me by Brian's friends. I believe that "birds of a feather flock together" and Brian was such a kind, funny (incredibly funny) and loving person. Many of his friends are so much like he was. I am respecting the anonymity of the Secret Admirer even though I have an idea of who it is. Those people or that person made the day so much easier to deal with and get through. Don, Andrew and Derek confirmed that they did not commit this act of kindness. In fact they all got me long stemmed roses on their own and did what they could to be sure we all remembered Brian and had a blessed day. So much for dreading the day. On a scale of one to ten, this day ended up being worth 10 hugs.
Love and hugs to you, dear readers!
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