Friendships & What Happened to Brian

There are all kinds of people in this world and why we end up choosing certain ones to be our friends is a mystery. What draws us together as friends, love interests, partners of all kinds is something I wish I knew more about. This week has been a fun one for me. I've been running into people from my past and I've so enjoyed catching up with so many of them. Of course everyone of them have heard about Brian and when they ask, "How are you?" they really mean it. I reassure people that I and my family are doing well, not perfect, but we are healing and doing well.

I must digress here. A question I'd like to ask God one day is, "Why do we run into more people we've not seen in a while when we look our worst?" It never fails that I see more people when I'm sloppily dressed and have no makeup on and am often in a hurry or stopping somewhere just to get one little thing from the store. Twice I've even tried hiding behind center aisle displays and wall units to avoid letting someone see me and somehow I ended up right next to them when I checked out. Am I the only one this happens to? I really doubt it. But I must confess to feeling really BAD when I've done this because I always end up having the best conversation with the person from whom I hid. It's like we never missed a day of seeing each other. I chalk this up to God's sense of humor and the lesson that I should get rid of any pride. I also know in my heart that I could avoid this situation if I would just get my makeup on every morning. I guess I like living on the edge!

I got to thinking about friendships and why they last. I know it has something to do with what we have in common. We enjoy each other's company. We like what we do when we spend time together. I notice that the friends Don and I have are as varied as you can get. Some are quiet, some are loud, some are funny and some always seem to have incredible stories to tell. We enjoy them all and thank God for allowing them to be in our lives.

Brian had some really great friends. There weren't any that I didn't like. There were some that I worried about and some of them still need to be worried about and prayed for. His friends really are fun, good humored and good hearted kids. They aren't the kind of kids who are destructive and into all kinds of meanness just for the sake of being mean. They are reckless at times but never mean-spirited. The issue I had with Brian and his friends was the partying. By that I mean it was the drinking and smoking pot from time to time. Brian got in trouble his senior year of high school. That's a story for another time but, thereafter, I watched him like a hawk. He only got mad at me one time and that was when I made him let me go to a prom after-party, which is also a story for another time.

You hear the phrase, live by the sword, die by the sword. Well Brian lived for a party and died by one too. Brian experimented with a drug he'd never taken before. He and a friend bought the drug from a fraternity brother. He and his friend went to Brian's suite and took the drug. His friend went to a fraternity function to start off homecoming week. I was told that Brian's friend spent about two and a half hours throwing up. I believe getting sick saved his friend's life. Brian stayed home. He was feeling good. He got on Facebook and his last post shared that "life is good today." He had a visitor later that night who was with him till around 2:30 in the morning. He was still alive when his friend left. We believe Brian died around 10:00 a.m. later in the day. He was discovered around 1:20 p.m. in the afternoon by his suite mate. We shared this information about Brian at his funeral. That's for another story as well.

Because of what happened with Brian we are carefully re-evaluating the friends of our sons. We are gun-shy now about so much more. We are more cautious than we have ever been. I've always been pretty direct and open with questions and topics I discuss with all the friends of my sons but now I find myself doing mental assessments of potential dangers when I meet new kids who come to the house. Derek is the one who gets the brunt of this. He's the one still in high school. He's the one who must check in and out and let me know his whereabouts. Thank goodness Derek is kind about my need to protect. The interesting thing is, Brian was really good about this. He would call to let me know what he was doing, who he was with and would alert me to changes in his evening plans. He would even let me know he was coming in late. I usually didn't like him coming home late but I would appreciate his consideration so we wouldn't worry.

It's been difficult for me to understand why anyone in my family would experiment with any drug. Don and I have talked to our kids about the dangers of drugs since they were big enough to walk. We've shared stories of our experiences of taking care of patients who died or had bad experiences with drugs. We've been open and honest and communicative with our kids. We have always been involved in our sons' lives. We've been very active at school, coached, became scout leaders. Sunday School teachers, volunteers in the community and booster club supporters. We ate at the dinner table much more often than many of our sons' friends did. Statistically speaking this should not have happened to one of our kids. I can honestly say that I don't know what else we could have done to keep our son away from pot or anything else.

Brian's death was an accident. We know that now. It was a bad decision. Brian and his friend played Russian Roulette and Brian lost. We are more than thankful that his best friend didn't pass away. He's a good man with a good future. We don't blame him for what's happened. We do think about Brian and his friends and have wondered why it had to be Brian who died. He's got friends who do much more and take many more risks than Brian ever dreamed about and yet they are still among the living. Do we resent this? Absolutely NOT! But it wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that the question has entered our minds more than once. Our hope is that Brian's friends learn from his mistake and stop taking big risks with their lives. Some have but many have not. We get messages of concern about his friends. I'm glad people are still trying to help others learn from our tragedy.

Where did we go from the day our lives changed forever? We just moved forward. We started out in shock and went on auto-pilot in survival mode. We turned to God, our faith, our family and friends. I don't know how anyone gets through the loss of a child without faith. I feel sorry for those who give up their faith when they lose a child. I pray that you, dear readers, never have to go through what we've been through. However, IF you have any kind of loss I hope our experience will help you in some way. I know I keep mentioning how thankful I am for the people God puts in our lives but friends and family are such blessings. Like it or not YOU are a blessing to someone and someone cares about whether or not you are around. If you are a risk taker, please consider what it does to those around you. Consider what your family and friends would go through if they no longer had you. Know that you are loved. I love you, dear readers, whether or not we've met. My writing this story is one of the ways I can show you just how much you matter. Take care and God bless you today.