Retreat Lesson 6 - Pick Your Battles Wisely

This lesson was written after I had eaten lunch with several of my friends. We had a challenging day as volunteers and it was time to air out our frustrations. I was surprised that the frustrations aired were more about what our kids, spouses and pets were or weren't doing. It struck me as funny the way we discussed the differences between boys and girls and compared the best ways to approach situations with our loved ones. There was one prevailing theme throughout our visit and that was how our moods affected the way dealt with situations. It occurred to me that we all thought we had the answers and we all knew we were RIGHT in whatever disagreement we had with our spouses. Not once did we ever complain about the way WE behaved or reacted to our loved ones. I'm here to tell you that a few of us probably needed to look into the mirror at OURSELVES.

PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY

It's believed that women are hard to figure out. We are considered a moody bunch and our moods have been known to strike fear in the hearts of even the strongest of men. Guess what! Men can be moody too. Moods are part of the human psyche and they can have a major impact on how we think, behave, interact and react to others.

Think about the past year. You probably experienced ups and downs, challenges and achievements, good times and bad times, events you'd like to remember and some you'd like to forget. All the things you go through make you who you are. Good or bad, like it or not, you are the product of life events that you AND God created.

You are a unique individual and God made you that way on purpose. You have unique looks, tastes, likes and dislikes, habits, personality traits and God given gifts and talents. You may have problems, faults and miserable experiences but so do other people. If you are totally honest with yourself those problems, faults and miserable experiences are often due to your own choices, judgment, mistakes and mishaps. It's easy to want to blame God for every wrong doing and evil in the world; however, if you recall, our Heavenly Father gave mankind FREE WILL. Bad things happen because God allows man to make mistakes. The evil and sinful nature of man comes about from those who choose NOT to walk in the path of the Lord.

When we CHOOSE to be hateful, hurtful, deceitful, immoral, mean-spirited, dishonest or anything else God wouldn't condone we often get caught or hurt others and have to pay the price. "The righteousness of the perfect shall direct his way, but the wicked shall fall by his own wickedness." - Proberbs 11:5. Sometimes it's the innocent who pay the price for evil but there are often lessons to be learned and incredible growth that can occur when that happens. Can YOU do anything to conquer evil, anger and temptations of this world? The answer is YES! You can pray for strength, endurance, wisdom, vision and the will to conquer. You can seek the advice of those who seem to be stronger than you. Once you hear from God or your counsel ACT on what you know to be the right thing to do. When you are doing the right thing you know it.

We all know people who, at times, appear to be living outside of God's will. How do you approach them? First and foremost PRAY for them then pray for wisdom in handling the person or situation!! This is where attitude, humor and the gift of discernment come into play. You must evaluate all situations and determine whether or not a particular event or person is worth the fight. Then figure out what you are truly concerned about. Hone in on the issue and avoid personal attacks. Remember that YOU cannot change someone on the inside but GOD can. If you try to change the nature of another person or loved one, give that up now. However, if you are trying to change behavior patterns, bad habits or the place that your love relationship is in, you can do that with patience, sensitivity, love, understanding of God's word and your own personal change.

If you want something to change the best place to start that process is within you. That's not an easy thing to accept or do. You need to consider that if you expect others to change their ways and you aren't open to change yourself then this will come across to your loved ones. Your loved ones look to you as the example and will believe what is good for you is good for them. If you can't or won't change, neither will anyone else.

Look at the things that upset you. Determine whether or not those things are truly evil or just things that get on your nerves. Remember that ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! If things are happening that are simply annoying then it may be that you need to change your attitude or find a sense of humor to deal with it. When you show a change in attitude or show a new sense of humor it will be noticed eventually. When you show you are trying to make an effort to make things better then the other person may be more willing to make things better too. This is not an easy process and it doesn't always work to get what you want. Be sure that what you want is not only good for you but good the other person or people involved as well.

Are you a complainer? Do you have a tendency to focus on the negative? Do you wake up some days just looking for a fight? Are those around you always complaining, bickering or looking for fights? If this is the pattern of communicating, thinking and behavior you notice around you then it's time to make some changes. Look at yourself and consider how easy are you to live with. How easy are you to listen to? If you are quick to find fault with your loved ones and quick to point out faults in others then chances are others around you are likely to be the same way and chances are they turning the tables back on you. When you stop complaining and pointing out the faults in others around you it will be noticed. I challenge you to take it one step farther and start noticing the good things in others and start complimenting others when you see the good in them. You will find that it really has an incredibly positive effect on people. It will also have a positive effect on you because you will have a lot less to be sour and angry about.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:31-32.

Please take time now to reflect on how YOU would live with YOU. What changes do you need to make in your life to be an example for others and to bring about change? Pray now for those things heavy on your heart that need to change.